


Meant to Be Mine, Meant to Be Ours

by Bluehaven4220



Category: due South
Genre: Adoption, Babies, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Love, M/M, New Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-01
Updated: 2015-12-01
Packaged: 2018-05-04 10:27:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5330795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bluehaven4220/pseuds/Bluehaven4220
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben was right. When it came to kids, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Then again, Ray thought, how did he know they weren’t going to get their hearts stomped on?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Meant to Be Mine, Meant to Be Ours

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Vic32](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vic32/gifts).



> All hail my super kind beta mific <3

“Well, Ray, nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Ben pushed the video tape into the camcorder and waited as it readied itself before handing the device to his best friend, Ray Vecchio.

Ray squinted at Vecchio, who was checking he had Ben and Ray properly in the frame. “Are we really sure this is going to work? I mean, what possible good could a video do?”

“It’s a chance for prospective birth mothers to get to know us,” Ben said. “Whoever might choose us can’t just take us at our word. Why not show them how we live? This way they’ll hopefully want to meet us.”

“Oh…” Ray’d been so caught up in the thought of possibly having a kid that he’d almost forgotten why they’d asked Vecchio to bring his video camera. “Yeah, you’re right. That makes sense.”

“Yes… come on.”

Which was why they were sitting on the front stoop of the apartment building they’d moved into together. It was certainly a step up from Ben sleeping in his office, and an even bigger step up from that slum he’d lived in before.

“Okay.” Vecchio slapped his thigh with his free hand to get their attention. “We got the camera, we got a fresh tape, we got Dief… You two lovebirds ready?”

“We’re ready.”

“Okay, and… ACTION!”

All Ray could think about as he and Ben sat side by side recording the tape explaining why they would make great parents was that he had always wanted to be a dad. He’d wanted to do all the things his dad had had the chance to do with him. You know, things like stripping and putting engines back together, teaching his kid how to throw a ball, hell, even braiding their hair, if it came to that. He wanted to come home from work to find the rugrats running around the living room and jumping on him as soon as he took off his coat.

Stella had never wanted that. She didn’t want to lose what she’d worked so hard for. She didn’t think she could “find a good work-life balance” with her case load and kids in the picture at the same time, whatever “good work-life balance" meant in Stella-speak.

Ray would never have trapped her. He didn’t want a kid that Stella wouldn’t have loved - not just to satisfy himself. He would wait, he told her. Wait until she was ready.

That day never came. They divorced not long after and Ray spent the better part of a year wallowing in self-pity and pining for her. Until the day he met Benton Fraser, and if he were honest, after that as well.

Benton Fraser, RCMP, was unlike anyone he’d ever met before, and meeting him was the best thing that had ever happened in Ray’s life.

What was Ben saying? Something about how they’d been waiting years for a child and that, if whoever was watching chose the two of them to be parents, they’d do whatever they could to make sure she could trust them to love the child, no matter what.

He was still thinking about how they’d be decorating the nursery as Vecchio followed them through the apartment with the camera, while Ray described the spare bedroom and the park across the street, and how the fur face would be around to help teach the baby love for animals and nature.

“And CUT! Got it! Great job, you two. I think I felt myself welling up there.”

“Thank you kindly, Ray,” Ben answered as they went back into the kitchen and found an envelope big enough to fit the tape in, along with references and letters from Ray, Frannie, Lieutenant Welsh, and even the Ice Queen, which had completely surprised Ray. He’d always thought that she really didn’t like Ben, at least not enough to write them a letter of recommendation for an adoption agency.

“Wait a minute, Ben,” Ray blurted, suddenly nervous.

“What is it?”

“Can we do this?” he looked at Ben and Vecchio. It was still hard to call Vecchio Ray, even if he’d had to pretend to _be_ the man for over a year while Vecchio had been undercover in Vegas. It could get a little confusing, combined with the fact that the name Stanley made him cringe, which was why he went by his middle name in the first place. “Can the two of us be parents and still do our jobs? Everything’s gonna change, and I don’t know if I wanna raise a child when we could get shot and die just from going to work.”

“Ray…” Ben put down the tape and pulled him into a hug. “Listen,” he whispered into Ray’s ear as Vecchio went out of the kitchen and back into the living room to give them some privacy. “It’s perfectly normal to have a last minute crisis over something this important.”

“Crisis? I’m shittin’ myself,” Ray muttered against Ben’s shoulder. “What if we screw this up? What if none of the birth moms who see this tape want us? Isn’t it just a waste of time?”

“We’ll never know if we don’t try, and the first step is sending in the tape and letters,” Ben told him. “After all, no one ever said the decision to adopt was easy, especially for couples who are–”

“Queer.”

“Now Ray, that’s uncalled for.”

“Well, what would you say?”

“Gay.”

“Whatever turns your crank.” Ray rolled his eyes. “Means the same thing.”

“Gay and queer are not necessarily the same thing. Besides, adoption for gay couples is not as difficult as it once was,” Ben explained as he looked over Ray’s shoulder to see Vecchio slowly and deliberately put the tape into the stamped and addressed envelope that also held the letters. “Besides, if it doesn’t happen this time, there’s nothing prohibiting us from trying again, or looking into other methods.”

Ray sighed against Ben’s shoulder. Other methods like what? Never mind, he’d ask later. “I know you can’t promise me we won’t get our hearts stomped on,” he muttered. “But can you at least kick me if I lose my nerve?”

“You know I will.” Ben leaned into him slightly and took Ray’s chin in his hand, kissing him. They walked back toward the dining room where Vecchio was sitting with the envelope in his hands.

“It’s all there.” He handed it to Ben. “Letters, video, all of it. When d’you have to mail it?”

“Tomorrow. Hopefully something will come up. The agency was impressed with the home visit and inspection they did. Now it’s a waiting game while they call our referees.”

“Referee? Isn’t that like in sports?” Ray arched an eyebrow.

“Well yes, but in this case, the reference is the testimonial given by the referee,” Ben explained, scratching behind his ear. “Although it’s not a term you hear used very often, that is indeed the proper name for it.”

“You know every one of them is going to tell that agency what a great couple you are,” Vecchio broke in, clapping Benny on the shoulder, making Ray jump slightly when he realized Vecchio was still there. “Especially Frannie – she was head over heels for you, Benny. But maybe watch out for Welsh, since he seems to think you two are a little nuts.”

“Yeah, good point.” Ray nodded. “Even if he thinks we’re nuts, he might just say ‘eccentric’. Maybe that’s a selling point? Who _didn’t_ think their parents were nuts, growing up?”

Vecchio’s face broke into a big grin. “You just said parents,” he pointed out.

“Huh.” Ray shrugged, looking at Ben. “So I did.”

 **ooOoo**

**Six months later**

**August 10 th**

“Any mail?” Ben asked as they came back into the building. They’d been told to expect a long wait, and that if a birth mother wanted to meet with them, they’d be notified either by phone call or more formally, by letter.

“Might be, haven’t checked today.” Ray went into the mail room and produced the mail box key. Opening said box, he grabbed a pile of assorted letters and bills, and followed Ben back up the stairs to their apartment.

Once inside, he quickly dug through the stack.

“There’s a letter.” Ray’s breath caught, eyes widening. He held it out toward Ben. It had the agency’s return address neatly printed in the upper left corner.  

Ben’s eyes went wide as well, and he rushed over to the table as Ray stuck his finger into the top of the envelope and ripped it open. Ben waited with bated breath as Ray read the letter, scanning for the words he’d been hoping for.

“Dear Mr. Kowalski and Mr. Fraser, blah blah yada yada, pleased to tell you that Eva Robertson has requested an interview with you. She would like to meet with you at our office at your earliest convenience. Please find enclosed, something, something, something… there’s two?”

Ben blinked, as though he couldn’t believe what he’d just heard.

“Pardon?”

“Two babies…” Ray’s mouth dropped open. “This… this Eva chick.  She’s having _two_ babies. Ben, you realize if she picks us, we could be comin’ home with twins?”

Ben sank into his chair, put a hand to his forehead and stared at the table. “Two?” he whispered. “Ray, do you want two?”

“Do you?” Ray answered, sitting beside Ben and grabbing his hand.

“I…” Ben gasped. “I don’t know. I mean, I believe we can care for and love two children just the same as we would only one.”

“Okay, jeez, let’s calm down for a second.” Ray rubbed circles on Ben’s back. “We might be gettin’ ahead of ourselves. She just wants to talk to us, right?”

“Yes…”

“So we go in, talk to her, find out what she expects, an’ then see what happens.” Ray took a deep breath and chuckled. “Wow, when’d I get to be the voice of reason?”

Ben laughed as well. “We still haven’t answered our own question, Ray. Are we willing to take on twins?”

“I’m game if you are.” Ray didn’t give himself time to second guess his answer, immediately picking up the phone and scheduling the meeting that would maybe change their lives.

**ooOoo**

**Three days later**

Walking into the agency’s office and sitting down, Ray had never been more nervous in all his life. Not even when he’d married Stella, or when he and Ben had first said “I love you.” He’d thought of every single possible scenario, getting himself all worked up and nearly cancelling the appointment. He hadn’t slept, and his nerves were shot to hell, but to miss the opportunity to meet this Eva chick would haunt him forever.

Especially now they were sitting in an unfamiliar office in the middle of Chicago across from a nervous kid who couldn’t be more than eighteen with her belly out to there. He fought the urge to squirm in his seat as she sized them up and asked all sorts of questions.

“I’m not ashamed, certainly not,” Eva told them. “It’s just… I’m not ready to be a parent. Hormones and homecoming dance dates don’t mix well, especially when there’s no condom.” She shrugged. “That’s the whole reason I’m doing this. There’s no tragic backstory, nothing terrible happened that led to their conception, unless bad sex is a crime.” She grinned. “No, believe me – I think this is the best thing I could possibly do for them.”

Ray could only nod, looking over at Ben, who was leaning forward listening very intently to Eva’s reasons for choosing adoption.

“You know, I did watch your tape,” she told them. “You’ve got a great support system in place already, and good jobs. I also wanted to meet you because of who you are.”

“What d’you mean?” Ray almost snapped, only realizing he’d done so when Ben gently gripped his knee.

“You’re gay,” Eva answered coolly, ignoring the defensiveness in Ray’s voice.

“Oh, well, yeah, there’s that,” Ray said. “I was worried you might reject us just 'cause of that.”

“Why? Because you happen to be two men who love each other and want a family, same as everyone else?” she answered. “I thought that was awesome.”

Huh. Ray blinked at her. He hadn’t been expecting _that._

“And I’m so glad you’re open to taking on more than one baby. I certainly didn’t expect to be having twins. I nearly fell over when the doctor told me there were two heartbeats.”

“Understood.” Ben leaned forward, a soft expression on his face.

“Plus after watching your tape, reading about your home and life and hearing from all your referees…”

Ray was holding his breath.

“…I want you two,” she said.

Ray blinked, feeling like she’d just hit him in the head with a hammer.

“Pardon?” Ben said, sounding stunned. “Eva, could you repeat that?”

“Benton Fraser, Ray Kowalski,” she reached forward and took their hands in hers, “since I am not equipped, I want you two to be my babies’ parents.”

It seemed they’d both lost the ability to speak.

“You’ll be able to give them more than I ever could,” Eva continued. “Just please promise me that you’ll love them.”

Ray was nodding like one of those bobblehead dogs people stuck on their dashboards, and Ben was too, which gave Ray a case of the creeps. She let go of their hands and stood up. Opening her arms, she waited until they stepped forward and hugged her tightly.

“You can be as involved as you wanna be,” Ray whispered as Ben murmured his agreement. “Birthday cards, pictures, letters…”

“Oh…” she squeezed her eyes shut and hugged the two men tighter. Well, as tightly as possible with her belly in the way. “I just want these babies to be loved no matter what. And I know they’ll have that with you.” She let them go. “I would like to exchange cards and pictures though, but only on their birthday, if you’re open to that.”

“Yeah, sure, we can do that,” Ray said.

“Shall we consider it a match, then?” Donna Malone, Eva’s case worker asked. Ray jumped - he’d forgotten she was even in the room.  

“Yes,” Eva answered for them. “It’s a match.”

**ooOoo**

**November 27th**

It had been three months since they’d been matched with Eva, and now that she was a little over eight months along, and with twins, there was always the possibility she could deliver early. From what Ben had researched, it wasn’t uncommon. With that in mind, they set to decorating the second bedroom in the apartment.

“Since we know there’s one of each, which of these do you prefer, Ray?”

Ray turned to see Ben splattered with paint and holding up decals that could be taken off the walls should they ever have to move. Well, they would have to move eventually, but for the first couple of years, they’d be fine where they were.

“Ray?”

“Are those foxes and wolf cubs?” Ray asked, squinting to get a better look.

“Well yes. I figured that since we have Diefenbaker, it would create a theme, of sorts.”

“Ben,” Ray chuckled as he put down the paintbrush. “They’re babies. They aren’t gonna care if they have decals on the wall.”

“I know, but why not decorate? This is going to be their home, after all.”

“Tell you what.” Ray thought it best to get Ben working on something other than decals as his mind seemed to be going a million miles an hour. “I’ll finish in here. Can you go finish puttin’ the cribs together?”

Apparently understanding what Ray was trying to do, Ben did as Ray asked.

Turning his attention back to the wall, Ray marveled at how the past few months had unfolded. Three months ago, Ray had nearly given up hope of hearing anything. Actually, if he thought about it, it had now been nine months since they’d first put the video and letters into the mail.

Now, here they were splattered in paint and assembling cribs (given to them by Ma Vecchio and Maria so they’d save money, along with a ton of hand- me- down baby clothes from when Maria’s kids were small), and picking out decals for the walls.

He was jarred out of his thoughts by a series of knocks at the door.

Wiping his hands on his overalls, he put the paintbrush down and opened the door to see Vecchio, Frannie, and Ma, with their arms full of food and extra clothes.

“You gonna let us in or what, Kowalski?” Vecchio asked.

Ray stepped to the side and let them through. “Sorry, been busy.”

“I’d say so.” Ma set trays of lasagna and a pot full of something that smelled a lot like stuffed peppers and meatballs on the stove. “Look at you, all covered in paint. Where’s Ben?”

“He’s puttin’ together the cribs.” Ray kissed Ma and Frannie on the cheek and pulled Vecchio in for a hug. It’d taken them a long time to be able to even shake hands, let alone do something like this. But they both loved Ben and would be civil to each other in front of Ben and Frannie and Ma, and sometimes being civil included hugging. “Going out of his mind with nerves. Wants to put foxes and wolf pups on the walls, never mind that the babies aren’t gonna know what they are till they’re older.”

“What’s wrong with decorating?’ Frannie asked. “I think it’s cute.”

“I dunno,” Ray admitted, shrugging. “I guess puttin’ up the decals means that this is really happening, and then there’s no turning back for us. But then I got to thinking about what could happen if the birth mom changes her mind?”

“Have you two discussed that?” Vecchio asked as Ma turned the stove on low to keep the pot of food warm.

“Yeah. I mean, no mother knows what she’s going to feel after giving birth, so I’m scared about that too. What if she decides to keep them an’ we come so close and get nothing?” It was almost like he couldn’t breathe. He wanted to be a dad so badly, and so did Ben. “Jeez, what if she backs out?” he repeated.

Ben must have heard him, since he came running out of their bedroom where he’d been assembling the cribs away from all the paint, and grabbed Ray, pulling him close.

“We’ll cross that bridge if we come to it,” Ben murmured as Vecchio, Frannie, and Ma made themselves scarce around the apartment, putting food away in the fridge and folding the new pile of clothes they’d brought. “It’ll be alright. _We’ll_ be alright.”

“I want them so badly, Ben,” Ray murmured against Ben’s shoulder. “I’ve wanted to be a dad for so long.”

“And we’ll get our chance. But right now, it all depends on Eva. As you said, she won’t know how she feels until she’s given birth. And once the babies are here, it’s three days before we can take custody. Until then, we just have to wait.”  They pulled away from each other and the three Vecchios came back out, being careful not to mention Ray’s little meltdown.

The phone rang.

Ray’s heart jumped into his throat, and he froze in place. Looking at Ben, he silently pleaded with him to pick it up, but Ben couldn’t move either.

Vecchio rolled his eyes and picked it up himself.

“Kowalski-Fraser Residence,” he said. “Uh huh. Yeah, sure, they’re right here, just a second.” He put his hand over the mouthpiece. “Someone named Donna Malone, calling on Eva Robertson’s behalf?”

Ray saw Ben’s eyes go wide. Reaching forward, Ben took the phone and held it to his ear.

“Hello, Constable Benton Fraser speaking…” He waited. “I see…”

Ray suddenly felt Frannie’s hand slip into his, and Ma took his other hand. He figured he was holding onto their hands for dear life, not caring if he was crushing them, but he was too focused on Ben to care.

“Understood,” Ben said.

It was almost too much, not being able to hear what was being said on the other end of the line. Ray noticed Ben was holding onto Vecchio’s hand, and Ray found himself praying silently that this was good news.

“Thank you kindly.” Ben listened to the last bit of information. “Yes, of course. We’ll be there shortly.”

Ben hung up, and turned to look at Ray.

“Ray Kowalski, how would you like to accompany me to the hospital?”

“Say what?” Ray forced himself to speak.

“I believe there are two very special people waiting for us.”

Ray felt his face crack into a smile, and a laugh bubble up from deep in his belly. Still laughing, he pulled Ben to him and hugged the man he loved for all he was worth. Before long, Vecchio and Ma and Frannie were pulling them apart and kissing them both, offering congratulations and pushing them out the door, saying that they’d finish cleaning up the paint and building the cribs, to get things ready.

Once in the car, with two small car seats buckled in the back and Diefenbaker nestled firmly between them, ready to protect the new members of the pack, Ray wanted to run every red light, the siren on full so they’d have a clear way to the hospital.

For once, Ben was too excited to argue with him.

**ooOoo**

**December 13 th**

“Hey Ma, there’s a card here!” Ray Vecchio flipped through the stack of mail that had just come through the slot. It’d been almost jammed full of Christmas cards and bills, but that was to be expected, with Christmas only two weeks away.

But this one… this one was different.

It was addressed to them in Benny’s tidy writing, with a note in the bottom left hand corner reading: PHOTOS - DO NOT BEND.

“Is it from Fraser?” Frannie came running into the hall, hair flying out behind her.

“And Kowalski,” Ray answered, sticking his finger in the top of the envelope and ripping it open.

Inside the envelope were three pictures. One was of Ben and Kowalski each holding a baby, both babies sporting a different colored knit cap and wrapped in blankets. The next was of them on either side of a bedside incubator smiling at the camera while the babies slept. The third showed them with a banner above their heads reading: “Congratulations, it’s TWINS!”

Along with the pictures came a note reading:

 

**_SANTA SURPRISED US EARLY!_ **

_Double the laughter, double the fun!_

_We would like to introduce…_

_Our son_

_Levi Davis Kowalski-Fraser_

_November 27th_

_Born 10:47am_

_6lbs 4oz/ 21 inches_

 

_Our daughter_

_Mary Ellen Olivia Kowalski-Fraser_

_November 27th_

_Born 11:00am_

_5lbs 12oz/ 19 inches_

_Proudly welcomed home on November 30th by parents Ray Kowalski and Benton Fraser._

_Thank you for your kind gifts and generosity!_

Ray smiled. He’d visited the babies in hospital and had gotten to hold Levi (it was still hard to wrap his head around the fact that it was pronounced Lee-vy, like the jeans) and Mary Ellen (yes, they’d given her two first names, but it suited her). The pictures Ben had taken of him from that visit made him look like a nervous ninny, as he clutched the precious kids and smiled for the camera.

**ooOoo**

“God Almighty, look at this place, it’s like _Baby Gap_ and _Toys R Us_ threw up in here,” Ray muttered, marveling at the sheer amount of stuff they’d accumulated since they’d brought the kids home.

He finally got Mary Ellen changed into a fresh diaper and brought her out to Ben, who was rocking Levi to sleep in the recliner they’d put in the living room. Ray sighed with exhaustion. Settling their daughter in the crook of Ben’s other arm, he leaned forward and kissed Ben thoroughly. “I love you,” he whispered when he pulled back. “I love you so much. Especially when I see you rockin’ our kids to sleep.”

“You always say I look good with a baby in my arms,” Ben agreed. “And you’re never more handsome than when I hear you telling them stories and kissing them. You’ve got a glow, Ray. I’ve never seen you so happy.”

“That’s because I got my wish.”

“Your wish?”

“I’m a dad.” Ray smiled, softly running his index finger over the babies’ foreheads. “And I’m with you. I’m gonna raise a family with you, Benton Fraser, and that’s the best gift of all.”

Kissing Ben again, Ray realized that, for the second time in as many weeks, Ben wasn’t inclined to argue.

Neither was he.


End file.
